Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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