I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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