He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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