His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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