but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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