Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
