OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
