Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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