How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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