In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
