Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He has the fingertips of a God
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
