My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
