Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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