hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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