You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
