Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
