I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
