I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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