Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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