i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
