I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
