she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
