I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and she was petting her beer can
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
