we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize