i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
