I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
