I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
