thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
