I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
