There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
