I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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