Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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