I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
