I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
