Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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