he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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