my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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