the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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