I'm going to jail i love you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
