Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
