Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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