Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize