I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
