That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
