I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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