I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
