I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
