Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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