Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I want her autograph on my taint
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
