I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
