just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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