More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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