I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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