That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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