i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
