Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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