I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
