i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
