The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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