Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
