So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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