3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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