I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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