I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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