I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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