Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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