absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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