Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
