Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
