He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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