Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
