Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
worst night to have a conscience
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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