How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
