38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
